


blueberry clouds

by cxbedits



Series: blueberry clouds [1]
Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Age Regression, Amy Nelson - Freeform, Caregiver Amy Nelson, Caregiver Mark Fischbach, Caregiver!Mark, Comfort, CrankGameplays - Freeform, Ethan Nestor - Freeform, Fluff, Little Ethan Nestor, Little!Ethan, Mark Fischbach - Freeform, Markiplier - Freeform, Non-Sexual Age Play, Platonic Crankiplier, Unus Annus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:01:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29726625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxbedits/pseuds/cxbedits
Summary: jus' some wholesome lil eef with caregivers mark and amy <3
Relationships: Mark Fischbach & Amy Nelson & Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach & Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson
Series: blueberry clouds [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2184759
Comments: 6
Kudos: 87





	1. acceptance

the egg drop video. possibly the worst time ethan had ever had filming. now, don't get him wrong, when tyler, mark and him arrived at the office to film, he was excited. when he heard amy tell mark over the phone that kathryn and her were picking up eggs and other materials from walmart, he was excited. when pam bought them lunch so they wouldn't be hungry while filming, he was excited. when he helped evan unpack cameras and lights, he was excited.

that, clearly, took a turn.

for a good few months prior, ethan had been unknowingly dropping hints that he was an age regressor to mark.

one of the bigger warning flags was the time that ethan had accidentally baby talked in the middle of a serious conversation. sure, he'd do it playfully sometimes to earn a laugh out of other people, however, this time it was purely evident that ethan didn't mean to. especially considering that ethan muttered, "i didn't mean to." after he did it. of course, mark had no issue with ethan age regressing, he wasn't dumb, he had an idea of what it was. hell, he just cared about his friend, mark didn't want to see him hurt.

"hey, ethan, would you hand me those scissors? i need to cut the tag off of some of these materials." amy requested, pilling items for the video into the white laundry basket. "yeah of course - " ethan obliged and ran over to the kitchen to retrieve the sharp tool out of the junk drawer, but was cut off when he heard his name from across the room. "ethan! we need a memory card for camera two, do you mind running upstairs and grabbing it for me? it's in the smallest pocket of my computer bag. it should be easy to find, it's the dark blue one, not the black one." mark explained, almost yelling in hopes ethan would hear him across the busy room. the youngest of the bunch nodded and whipped his head between his hands, attempting to remember what he was doing. once he gathered himself, he returned to the task he was completing for amy, "here you go," "thanks bud!" amy smiled warmly. ethan loved that smile. he considered amy to be one of his best friends, she always made him feel so loved and safe. he quickly remembered he needed to get the memory card for mark, as a result, he dashed over to the stairs, sort of managing to fall up them? some how? anyways, he scanned the main area, eyes finally landing on mark's cross body bag. smallest pocket, he remembered. once the card was obtained, he slipped his way back downstairs and jogged over to evan and mark, the two of them adjusting the light's exposure. ethan tapped on mark's shoulder and reached his arm out, catching his breath. "oh, thanks eth -" mark paused, "this is the wrong one, i told you to get the blue one? not the black one. the black one goes to my computer." the older of the two glanced down at the memory card, shaking a bit in the hand it was being held within. "right! i'm such an idiot, sorry, i'll be right back." ethan cursed at himself, leaving back up the second floor to grab the right one.

"here! blue. blue one. the blue one." he pushed it out to mark, running a hand through his hair. mark huffed out a brief laugh, cocking his head and taking the technical tool from ethan, "yeah, it is blue. thanks etan."

hehe. etan.

"ethan, will you help me set this - "

"hey can you - "

it seemed that kathryn and pam were trying to talk to him all at once, he short circuited, flickering between the two girls. "you go help pam, never mind, i got this." kathryn suggested, putting the clean dishes away from the pie video by herself.

ethan steadied himself, feeling his lungs dry out, "are you uh - are you sure? 'cause i can totally help you if you need - " "it's okay bud, go help pam, it's fine." she reassured, storing the whisk in the drawer. the boy held up a thumbs up, turning to the sink area, "hey, okay, what d'ya need help with?" ethan brr'd his lips and widened his legs to secure he wouldn't collapse. pam detected overstimulated behavior out of him, "deep breath, ethan." she chuckled somewhat, softening her observance. he dramatically held his hands to the sides of his head, "ah, okay, right, okay." the two of them laughed, and ethan prayed that she actually bought that he was joking.

at last, he had concluded his task as a helping hand. he scootched over to the kitchen island and slapped it a few times, trying to make sense of what was happening. but he couldn't. his limbs felt weaker than ever, and his head jerked to the side involuntarily once or twice. the collar of his hoodie felt like it was getting tighter by the second, and the room felt 90 degrees fahrenheit. he felt so defeated, it appears that the bright lights and busy room had gotten the better of him. 

"alright, we ready?" mark examined the area, "all good to go? great." everyone began to get in their respectful places, all behind the camera other than mark, tyler, and ethan.

"ethan, scoot down a bit, no, not that way, to your right... no, that's your left." mark stood behind the boy, directing him. "god, sorry, sorry, where am i going? okay, right here. fuck, sorry." he apologized, obviously feeling sick with disquiet and the small space he had to sit in. "it's okay, dude. no worries. you okay?" mark questioned, letting his words drown under everyone else's conversations. he sat in between wingus and dingus. "yeah i'm good! lots of stuff happening, that's all."

throughout the filming process, ethan couldn't help but fall into a spiral of adhd torture. he felt like he could push through and make it until at least the outro, until couldn't finish his shock mount in time. from there, his head flooded with too many thoughts to sort out, his mouth became parched and he felt as if he'd been vacuum sealed in a rubber bag. it was horrible. there was just a lot of emotional and physical discomfort going on, and on top of that, a tsunami of embarrassment and frustration hit him after he started tearing up. sure, laughing it off worked. however, it only works for so long. repressing the hurt only makes it hurt more. ethan craved nothing more in that moment than to punch a wall, fall over and cry. but it was fine. everything was fine.

once evan and amy stopped rolling the filming devices, ethan rushed off discreetly inside, dropping his glasses onto the craft table and running up the stairs to the prop room. it wasn't anything special, just a loft with a couple boxes filled to the brim with toys and gadgets, an old recliner, a couch and a wall mounted TV. 'twas more storage than anything. ethan shut the door behind him and kicked off his shoes, pacing corner to corner and placing his hands over his ears, desperate to quiet his mind. for a moment, a millisecond, even.

an all too familiar numb tingle grazed up his spine, over his shoulders and to his face. it soon reached his legs as well, he hardly noticed his lower limbs begin to give out before they fully collapsed, landing him on his hands and knees, practically heaving. this was the worst. he couldn't think, everything was spinning, he felt like sobbing, the tiniest piece of hair pissed him off into the unimaginable.

mark collected an access piece of cotton off of the yard table, looking over the entire patio to make sure there was no raw egg left before noticing that someone was missing. he squinted and looked upwards towards amy, "hey amy?" she shifted her gaze down at mark, "yo?" "where's ethan at? i assumed he'd help clean up."

amy swished her mouth side to side, thinking of where her friend could be located, "i... honestly don't know? he might've gone inside to calm down a bit. you wanna go check on him?" she asked, raising both eyebrows and clicking a few buttons on the hand held camera. "yeah, actually i'm gonna see if he needs anything. i'll be right back." mark declared, hopping up the cement stairs and gracefully pacing himself into the house. he scanned his eyes over the main room, sure enough ethan wasn't residing there. mark observed that he was the only one in the living room, so he knocked on all of the bathroom doors downstairs and upstairs. no sign of ethan. this confused the dark haired one, where could he be? did he leave? negative. mark peeked out the window and saw ethan's car.

so where the fuck was he?

mark shuffled down the carpeted hallway before hearing what sounded like shaky breaths. he wasted no time swinging the prop room door open. there, on the recliner was ethan, rocking back and forth, cross legged.

"ethan, hey," mark rushed over to ethan, sitting on his shins and knees in front of the cushion - y chair. the older one placed both hands on ethan's knees, feeling the younger one's tears drip onto his fingers, "what's goin' on? what happened?" he asked politely, making sure that he was giving ethan enough space and room to fidget. "it's too much, it's too much i can't - i can't."

fuck.

he was slipping.

his mind began to flood with fog and become cloudy, but he repressed it. he had to repress it. being small wasn't an option right now. his head fell forward on mark's shoulder. mark sighed in empathy for the other, wrapping his arms up and rubbing ethan's back, "i know bud, i know it's tough. but you did so good! that shock mount idea was really smart! i'm sorry we didn't give you enough time to expand on that, bud. you're safe, it's okay." slowly but surely, ethan's sobs became softer and flat. it was obvious he was attempting to say something, but his voice kept breaking and moving up the scale to a higher pitch.

their positions remained whilst ethan settled down, wrapped arms around mark's neck and kind hands on ethan's back.

the oldest took note of ethan's body language. the limpness, the way he cried, the way his hands flailed against mark's back, all of it. mark could only assume that the adhd spiral had caused him to plummet into small headspace.

now, mark knew how badly ethan delt with confrontation. he knew that ethan would burst into flames if asked any question that put him in vulnerable state. nonetheless, the question needed to be asked. for ethan's safety, for his health, this was crucial. whether ethan liked it or not.

ethan sat up after a couple minutes, using his sleeve to wipe his nose. mark went back to his shins, staring up delicately at the green eyed boy. the room resided in stillness for a moment as the tension decreased.

"hey," mark soothed, swiping his thumb under eth's bottom eyelash to collect a fresh tear, "can i ask you something? or do you want to wait until you're feeling stable enough? it's not anything bad, i would like to make that very clear. it's /not/ bad, i promise. i just wanna make sure it's the right time to ask." he assured, watching as ethan noticeably avoided eye contact and fiddled with his fingers. "no, go ahead. i'm fine... i'm just sleepy - no, wait, shit, sorry, i'm exhausted." ethan huffed a laugh momentarily and scrambled to come up with an excuse for his word choice, squinting his eyes and shaking his head in attempt to knock the hazy feeling out of his brain. mark didn't laugh, though. he never did at these types of jokes. as mentioned previously, mark isn't dumb. he can differentiate whether ethan is upset or when he's actually kidding around.

mark relaxed his chest and gave a pitiful glare to the younger one, pulling his hands back to himself, "ethan, do you ever happen to age regress? like, are you a lit - "

"don't say it." ethan gritted his teeth, grimacing at the half spoken word. he despised that word.

/oh,/ mark thought, /this is bad/. the oldest stood up, backing away from the chair a bit to shut the door contingent upon somebody else happening to stumble in on their discussion. he looked both ways out into the hall, shutting the white painted door with forbearance and standing a few feet away from the recliner, "ethan,"

the shortest shot up, so now they stood at the same level. except, ethan didn't move anywhere near mark, he simply occupied the front of the chair, "no, i don't want to talk about this. i don't want anything to do with it. i'm not a," ethan looked down hesitantly at his feet to hide that his eyes were watering, "i'm not a fucking child. i am an adult, a full grown man who can take care of himself /and/ his own problems, /without/ your help." ethan let his voice raise a bit, refusing to look mark in the eyes. his under eyes began to swell into a puffy state, and there was a faint ringing in his ears. "eth - "

"no! stop! i don't want to talk to you. there's nothing to talk about. i'm really fucking angry right now, and all around just not okay so if you could please," ethan left for the door handle, which mark immediately terminated by lunging for the door and clutching ethan's wrists. ethan froze, opening his mouth to say something, yet nothing was said. he quickly closed it again once he realized he had nothing to defend himself with.

"mark,"

"ethan,"

"mark!"

"ethan!"

mark kept his gaze fixated on the top of ethan's head until the youngest finally decided to look up, tear tracks clearly stained to the side of his face. nestor balled his fists to the point of his knuckles fading white.

"how long have you been ignoring this?" fischbach insisted, doing the best of his ability to keep calm and collected. "i don't think - " "it wasn't a question." ethan sighed, "a long time? i don't know. i just push it down and hope it'll just disappear or something." nestor avowed, a single tear escaping and dripping on the carpet below. mark inhaled a sharp intake of breath through his teeth, "that's incredibly dangerous, eth. you know that. repressing headspace can do serious damage. irreversible, even." ethan didn't answer, he only clenched his jaw and rocked back and forth on his feet.

"i can see that you're scared."

"mark please,"

"and you're probably really distressed,"

"mark i'm gonna hit you."

"and i think you're more mad at yourself than you are at me."

ethan shivered, feeling mark's grip loosen on his wrists.

"and deep down i know you need to talk about this. you may not /want/ to, still, it would do a lot of good. but," mark let go of ethan completely, putting his hands in the pockets of his basketball shorts as nestor stepped away from the exit, allowing himself to trust mark, "but i can't help you if you don't let me."

ethan relaxed his hands and erected his position, folding his hands behind his neck to let his elbows swing nonchalantly. he didn't want this, nor did he ever think it'd reach this point, yet, nestor swallowed, looking down and nodding, "okay."

mark mellowed, letting up a imperceptible smile, "yeah?"

ethan nodded again, closing his eyes and clicking his tongue, "yeah."

"c'mere bud." fischbach opened his arms for a hug, which came as a surprise to ethan, given, mark never showed any signs of wanting to be touched in an affectionate manner. he figured mark was only doing this for ethan. yet, the boy agreed and walked forward into mark's arms, completely melting into his touch.

"we'll figure this out, alright? but i'm not going to stand by watching you suffer and do nothing about it. i care about you too much." mark uttered euphoniously, swaying the two of them somewhat. ethan mumbled an agreeing statement against mark's chest.

"how about, when everyone leaves, we get you into some more comfortable clothes and amy and i can help you wind down a little. does that sound okay?" mark asked, pulling away from the shorter boy.

ethan hesitantly nodded once more, secretly afraid to put himself out in the open like this. nonetheless, he could trust mark and amy. 

so, there it is.

the start of acceptance.


	2. facing fears and caregivers

" - and we'll go back to the office to get your car in the morning." mark looked up into the rear view mirror, quickly focusing back at the road. ethan, too distracted to pay attention to anyone or anything, continued to count the trees passing. "ethan?" "oh, yeah?" "we'll go back to get your car tomorrow morning, alright?" mark checked, turning his head around briefly to make sure the youngest was listening. "ye ... ah that's fine." ethan stammered, bouncing his legs up and down.

he tried to make sense of what was happening, but he couldn't. he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he was going back to amy and mark's house to talk to them about something he'd been repressing for months. it was almost completely unbelievable in his perspective. he couldn't just drop everything and say, "hey guys! i'm a child!", especially not to the people he valued.

but hey, it's not like he had a choice at this point.

\------

"okay," amy started, taking a seat at the kitchen table next to her boyfriend and across from ethan.

he hated to admit it, but mark and amy both sitting down to talk with him was sort of intimidating. predominantly given that through these past few hours, he was /still/ fighting off little space. throughout the meltdown, throughout his conversation with mark, throughout the car ride, and it was physically exhausting. constantly trying to push out that big of a hazy feeling was terrible.

"just to clear the air a bit, you're a little, correct?"

stupid rhetorical questions.

"technically, i guess, but i don't like calling it that though." ethan answered amy lazily, tracing lines on the table with his index finger. "and that's completely okay. is there another name for it that you'd be more comfortable with?" she asked, welcomingly tilting her head, leaving room for ethan to respond. "i don't know." he mumbled, refusing eye contact with either of them.

"what if we just called it head space?" mark butted in, watching as eth drew flowers into the table with his thumb. "that's better." ethan smiled shyly, beginning to drum his fingers on the white surface. "yeah? alright then." mark paused when he noticed the struggled look plastered across ethan's face.

"hey," he reached his defined arm across the table to rest his hand comfortingly on ethan's, "you can regress if you need to, bud. it's okay. this is a safe place."

ethan, at last, looked up at the two, both giving him a look of empathy. he didn't say anything. to be quite frank, he was waiting on mark or amy to fill the air.

"would it make it easier to have this conversation if you were in head space?" amy asked softly, folding her arms on the table. ethan pulled away from mark's touch and leaned back in his chair, " ... small ethan really wants to." he spat out, feeling almost lighter, as if a weight had been lifted off of his chest. mark hummed in understanding, "but big ethan doesn't want to?" he finished the other boy's statement, reading him like a book and awaiting an answer. "sounds like you're really conflicted here, bud." amy threw in. ethan nodded and closed his eyes momentarily, "jus' don't wanna be a bother."

it was happening.

"what? you're not a bother, eth. ever. if anything, we /want/ you to feel comfy regressing around us. i, me and amy both, love you very much, and we want to take care of you. we just wanna see you happy, bud." mark confessed, tone of voice turning to velvet. he scratched his beard casually, taking note of how ethan's behavior slowly transformed. "it's jus' hard." ethan mumbled, leaning forward on the table and folding his arms, letting his chin press against the skin of his upper limbs. "we know, and remember to go at your own pace. we are not forcing you into anything you don't want to do, if you aren't ready to trust us with this yet, don't. but know that we'll be here when you are ready."

amy and mark had a feeling that this was coming sooner or later. it wasn't new information to them that ethan had been repressing head space. to anyone who had a general idea of what age regression was, ethan's attempt at hiding and ignoring it was so blatantly obvious. the worst part was, was that even ethan himself hid from it. so if there ever was a situation where a complete stranger had called him out on it, he'd most likely play it off as a joke so well that no one would be able to tell.

mark wasn't an idiot, though.

other than biological family, he knew ethan better than anyone else. 

amy? could call it from a mile away. she was the first one bring it up, as a matter of fact. this being after the first balloon animal challenge video was filmed.

the three simmered in silence for a few seconds, whilst ethan's mind was so loud. he tapped an off beat rythym, pondering if he should actually go all in with this.

he could trust them.

they loved him.

he could do this.

" ... do you guys have crayons?" ethan shyly muttered, looking between mark and amy.

the two smiled wide, proud of the boy, "yeah bud, yeah we have crayons."

\------

"alright alright alright, be careful with it," mark singsonged his way over to the kitchen counter, setting down a blue plastic cup of orange juice in front of ethan. he was coloring and swinging his feet, happy as could be. after they were past the threshold of ethan's timid state, it was pretty easy for him to regress.

mark leaned forward onto the surface, facing amy and ethan. (she was helping him draw dogs).

ethan looked up at mark, "hi!" he gave a tooth - y grin and giggled. "hi bud," mark scoffed happily, clicking his ipad on and opening the notes app, "so, let's start off with some easier questions, yeah? how old are you when you're small?" the older man asked civilly, sliding his glasses on. "well ... sometimes i'm four or five ... or six. right now i'm five!" ethan explained, counting non sense with his fingers. "great, this is very helpful. what about comfort items? do you need comfort items? like toys or just anything along those lines?" mark itched his nose as he spoke. "uh ... no." ethan dropped his smile, tapping an aqua colored crayon against amy's hand nonchalantly.

mark hummed, "okay, maybe we can get you some of that stuff, would that be nice?" he questioned with kind eyes. "can buy it myself, i'm a big boy!" ethan declared, probably louder than necessary. amy ruffled ethan's hair and snickered, "you are a big boy! but we're not going to let you handle money while you're small, don't you worry about that. our main goal is to make you feel comfy and cozy while you're regressed. that being said, if we made you pay for everything, mark and i wouldn't be doing our best job at making sure you're well taken care of. make sense?" she justified, looking at mark every few words for confirmation that she was saying the right things. ethan sighed dramatically, "yeah, guess so." he concluded, returning to his coloring page and beginning to draw spencer.

mark let his mind turn gears for a few moments, allowing the conversation to pause while he thought. the man opened up a web browser on the ipad in his hands, searching what key words he knew so far, typing in: [little space].

that would do, right? ... right! search results popped up and mark scrolled, hearing amy and ethan chat about different colored crayons to each other. he scrolled a bit further until he reached the fifth link: [age regression! the do's and don'ts of what you need to know as a caregiver!]. ah! there we go. mark flipped through the article, mentally bullet pointing what he needed to. once he realized this was going to take longer than anticipated, he drew the attention of the other two, "hey amy, why don't you go put on some cartoons for eth? i gotta do a little more reading before continuing our discussion." amy agreed, guiding ethan over to the couch with her.

\------

an hour later, ethan seemed much more confident and content being little around mark and amy. he was on the floor, giggling with the pups while cartoon network played in the background. mark and amy occupied each other on the couch as the older man finished up his note taking and research.

" ... and done! okay, ethan, you good to answer some questions?" mark peered over on to the carpet where ethan was rolling around with henry, almost drowning in his black hoodie. "yep! what're they?" the little let curiosity swarm him as he walked on his knees over to mark, trying to peek at the ipad. "pfft, calm yourself, it's nothing big." he answered, playfully and gently pushing ethan back to his shins. eth made no verbal response, just an intrigued facial expression. "for starters, are you okay with amy and i being your caregivers? is that okay with you? we'll make sure to ask adult ethan too."

ethan's face softened, eyes lighting up copiously. he pressed his fists into the floor, bouncing excitedly, "caregivers." he clarified smiling, coming off as more of a statement than an inquiry. amy laughed graciously at this. "yeah, that okay?" mark poorly attempted to confirm. ethan only smiled wider, nodding vigorously. he stood up and plopped himself between the other two on the couch, ecstatic at the news that he had caregivers.

mark teased, poking at his little's arm briefly, "right, okay. you happy bud?" he asked the younger one, settling his manner of voice to a tranquil setting. ethan held a thumbs up, laying his head back on amy. "i personally don't think there's much to get into right now, especially since this is a new thing for you, ethan. we'll kind of just learn as we go." mark and ethan both nodded in agreement with amy. "i know we mentioned this earlier, but are there any specific toys or things you'd like for head space to make it better or enjoyable?" she brought her hand up to rub ethan's shoulder as she watched him snuggle into the cushion - y seat more. he began to fiddle with loose strings on the knees of his ripped jeans, "i ... cars and - and like ... animals. fuzzy animals." ethan expressed vaguely, to which mark read loud and clear. "so, hot wheels and stuffed animals?" mark reaffirmed, pushing his hair back and crossing his legs on the seat. ethan didn't smile, or even answer to be honest, he just kind of sat there.

"you all good?" amy tilted her head, letting her words spill smoothly. ethan groaned gingerly, "doin' too much. i feel bad. you're being really nice to me but you don't gotta." he admitted, swishing his lips side to side.

"eth, look at me."

he obeyed, looking up at mark with caution. "we're doing this because we love you. it's not too much, it's an act of kindness." mark explained the best he could, grabbing the remote and lowering the TV volume. "love me?" ethan questioned, scrunching his face in confusion. "absolutely! so much, buddy." amy finialized, mark agreed.

ethan switched couch angles, shifting over to mark and cuddling into his side, "love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u have suggestions for future chapters, pls don't hesitate to leave them in the comments, thx for reading !! <3


End file.
